Wednesday, April 13, 2005

How (not) to flirt

Good reading on that article, Mancadee. This heterosexual male flirting is an interesting ritual, something one might call a “rich text.” I was in a fraternity once (don’t laugh!) and experienced a little bit of hazing. One morning all of us pledges had to take a shower together and sing frat songs. Talk about homoerotic! If one can fake being a heterosexual you can do such fun things as heterosexual wrestling, chatting while naked, and play heterosexual twister. Now that I am out I do not get such pleasures.

I have always said that the process of flirting with someone is very close to the dance one does when one wants to be close friends. Saying, “I would love to hang out with you” or even “let’s have dinner sometime” can be read in multipe ways.

That’s why it is hard to become friends with another gay man unless it is somehow explicit that there is no chance of sex – friend “flirting” may be misconstrued with real “flirting.”

Here is how to tell your gay male friend that you JUST want to be friends without being an asshole:

  1. “My type is X” (the opposite of your friend)
  2. “I love my boyfriend” (even if he does not exist)
  3. “Don’t you think that guy over there is cute? He’d be great for you.” (pick a really cute guy!)
  4. “Oh really? I’m a top(/bottom) too!”
  5. “I’m bisexual.”

If those lines don’t work, it is time to be blunt, “Look, I like you ONLY as a friend…not a friends-with-benefits kind of friend but a no sex kind of friend. No sex.”

In other news, the heterosexual boy in my sextion…oops I mean section that I have a crush on talked in class today. For some reason I try to look for sexual innuendos in every comment he makes. I was quite excited when he said “we should let them get off” when talking about insane people that commit crimes. It is true, I did not hear all of what he said. Most of the time I was imagining what it would be like to be his tight boxer briefs.


Blogger Deviant said...

If someone tells me that they just want to be my friend, chances are I won't want to be their friend :-p

6:17 AM  
Anonymous krayon said...

Of course I would NEVER say that to you, Kevin.

7:44 AM  
Blogger jOjo said...

aha! i come in here after all this time of patiently waiting for you to write again, and here i find you flirting with another hot boy. first kevin, then dantallion, and now kevin again.

i don't know if our marriage will work, but i suppose we could always be friends. right?

friends, FRIENDS.


2:00 PM  

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